Thai Girls, Girlfriends, Women, etc.
This section covers the range of Thai girls, from mainstream Thai ladies to bargirls and other prostitutes, in an attempt to help all kinds of people.
Notably, while I myself have always lived and mostly hung out in mainstream outer suburbs of Bangkok (except the first 5 months I was here), rather than the tourist and expat entertainment centers, I know both realms quite well, and I nonetheless do not judge bargirls or that line of professional services as "bad" in general, nor do I believe that what's right for myself is "right" for all guys, tourist or expat. Like most Thai people, I don't judge either the Thai ladies who take up that occupation or the expats/tourists who choose it. There are advantages and disadvantages to both, and it's a matter of your lifestyle, situation and values.
In any case, it is important to see the differences between the foreigner-oriented subculture areas and mainstream Thai ladies. While I see the differences in most ladies right away, most guys I go around with are obviously unattuned, usually guys whose "formative experiences" with Thai ladies were in the prostitution zones.
A lot depends on one's "born in" environment, alternatives, age, genetic appearance, upbringing, lifestyle, preferences, values, interests, etc. -- and whether you want one longterm mate, or just casual acquaintances. Whichever serves you best. It's your free will, and everyone's different. Thailand is a relatively free, live-and-let-live, relatively nonjudgemental and understanding country. ("Sorry if my karma ran over your dogma.".)
As long as one is not harming others, and has only good intentions, then live and let live.
Of course, exceptions apply, such as bargirls scamming guys for money, guys leaving their children & wife to come live in a dream house with their bargirl who will eventually cheat on him or kick him out when he runs out of money, and various other common behaviors and unfolding situations. It is amazing to see so many guys blinded by love/lust, tricked by instinct to follow happy emotions and lose reason, and just totally lose the plot in their lives, ipso nutso.
It is intended that this guide will help you to positively understanding Thai culture and its different "sectors", so that you can find the best match(es) for what is best for your life. It is important that you understand the differences between foreign culture and Thai subcultures as regards girlfriends and acquaintances.
On the one hand, there are mainstream Thai ladies who are treated like bargirls and/or otherwise misunderstood, because so much of the literature on the internet about Thai girlfriends is written by foreign guys who have little or no real experience outside the prostitution realm, thereby leading other guys to ride roughshod over good Thai ladies.
On the other hand, the most common negative experiences of foreigners are due to their own unrealistic expectations of some "professional" bargirls, whereby the foreign man finds a young, beautiful, and lovely (by Western standards) Thai lady and believes they can change and/or control them into becoming the dedicated girlfriend or trophy wife of their dreams. In my opinion, the "fault" is often the man's, not the lady's, though it varies from one failed relationship to another, even if the "fault" is more or less a lack of understanding by the man.
Commonly, there is danger of outright scams to get the foreigner guy's money, whereby the lady is clearly the guilty one, of being grossly dishonest and tricky, such as agreeing to a monogamous relationship while behaving otherwise, and just after the guy's money, often careless of the havoc they wreak on the guy's life, children, wife, and business responsibilities.
Bad news travels much further than good news, and it's my observation that a lot of the negative internet traffic is out of proportion with the positive side of overall reality. Surely, most happy guys are not out on bargirl forums, but I think it's also just the nature of the internet and news in general to be negative and sensational, keeping peoples interest and juices going.
It is a fact that many ex-bargirls become faithful and good wives. I know of many. However, the majority do not, and trickery is common.
A mainstream Thai lady is usually monogamous by her very nature. However, a mainstream lady might not be a good match to you. You might want multiple girlfriends instead, enjoy some diversity and freedom, not care about the Thai family life, bored and restless with the Thai mindset while headstrong in your own ways and routines, etc.
Nevertheless, the pitfalls of relationships with Thai ladies are not limited to bargirls, as "mainstream" Thai ladies vary as much as mainstream ladies do in your own country. Most mainstream Thai ladies are faithful, and money's usually not a big issue, but not always, and there are a lot of other things to consider in both friendship and mating relationships.
This general discussion will continue below the following services which we suggest.
If you have a Thai girlfriend who you are investing a lot of time, money, emotion and energy into, but you are experiencing some bad signs which lead you to believe she might be tricking you, then we would suggest you hire a discreet private investigation service -- sooner rather than later. Such "insurance" can be well worth the peace of mind or else the cutting of your losses.
For discreet private investigative services, e.g., discreetly checking out a girlfriend's behavior when you are not present (other boyfriend(s)?), status check (does she really work, is she really a student, did she tell you the truth about...), finding a disappeared girlfriend, etc., contact Thailand Private Investigations at www.ThailandPI.com
Thailand Private Investigations, www.thaiLANDpi.com , uses Thai lady agents of many different backgrounds, and professional methods, in order to be most discreet and effective, especially in surveillance, which foreign men cannot do discreetly in Thai society. In both discreet surveillance and interactive tasks, a Thai lady matched to each task is usually better accepted than a man.
That website includes some interesting case studies -- investigation experiences journaled there!
However, some cases require a foreign man -- such as entering a go-go bar and operations there, where a Thai lady cannot go (non-employees). Thailand P.I. uses the myself (Mark) in cases where the lady is unexpectedly followed to a go-go bar.
With Thailand Private Investigators, you can deal with one of the Thai lady agents there who reads/writes/speaks good English, or you can deal with me for the email correspondence and to be your contact person / manager / analyst / advisor. Thailand PI focuses on research (Thai language researchers), surveillance (discreet Thai teams), undercover work (mainly Thai lady agents), and operations mainly outside of the tourist/expat go-go bar areas.
I would strongly suggest that you use only a truly reputable private investigator. The abovementioned have been operating private investigation services for 7+ years now (truly) and are quite experienced and reliable. You can find a lot of people who have used them.
Particularly as regards bargirls, sending lots of money -- a Thai lady "investment without investigator" -- is risky business indeed.
Another issue is the Thai-English language barrier. Are you establishing a relationship with thorough enough communications? Language barriers in communicating concepts completely is a challenge, and it is important to make sure you understand each other on important issues rather than be limited in what you can say and still be understood (or misunderstood), so that you form the best bond. Thai ladies have many natural advantages over Western ladies, but language can be a serious limitation. A quality translation service can help you two establish the initial bond.
For occasional Thai-English translations of important e-mails and other documents, try www.thai-english-translation.com or just www.ThaiEnglish.com . Their young translators have university degrees in English and do professional translations, so the quality is good, but they also do love letters, which is considered light and refreshing to them. They are happy for this link.
If you rely on an internet cafe translator for a former bargirl, you run two risks. One is that the "translator" is actually a "bargirl dependant" (the bargirl is her customer, not you) for writing love letters, so that you are actually corresponding with the translator as much as your girlfriend, possibly getting the translator's standard responses and writings, more or less. Secondly, some internet cafe translators actually don't have a very good English vocabulary (especially slang). Meaning is "lost in translation". If you go with a professional operation like www.ThaiEnglish.com you get both an independent and a quality translator. They are also quick and reliable, as they employ many translators and have a well organized operation.
The translators and the private investigators are two different groups of people located near each other in the same office building location, but are two entirely separate in operations, i.e., the investigators are not translators, and the translators are not investigators except Ms. Nannapat. The only drawback is that they are not located in the expat regions, instead being located in northern Bangkok, whereby walk-ins require a trip, so it's usually better to deal with them by email, fax, and postal mail. They do go out to meet some customers in Bangkok (not as possible girlfriends!, strictly professional).
Thai lady relationship scams are common against foreigners, especially foreign men who travel outside of Thailand. These almost never hit the news. However, it sometimes happens to Thai men, too, and this investigative journalism was the result of a scammed Thai man going to investigators:
News item: February 22, 2003
iTV (a local Thai TV station) aired a documentary about a Thai man who was scammed 200,000 baht by a Thai lady in another town via email, who sent him her photo and mobile number, spoke politely, offered a relationship and implicitly sex, and cried on the phone saying she needed hospital money or she would die of leukemia. The story had many of the typical steps of a scam relationship, targeting a gullible and generous man, and building up to large money requests.
However, after sending the money to her bank, he got suspicious. After all, he had never met this lady, only seen her photo by internet and spoke with her by phone. He was a lonely man in a distant part of Thailand.
A private investigator with an iTV crew tracked her down. She was a fat and ugly lady with a computer connected to the internet, photos of pretty ladies in her room (some whom she knew), and lots of money. Her only job was scamming men by internet dating via the web.
This is not uncommon, as well as similar scams using email, mobile phones, landline call centers and proxies to answer the phones. Expats overseas are more vulnerable, but the scammers sometimes do these kinds of things to Thai men as well.
Notably, over the years, I've known a few guys who came to Thailand to visit a lovely lady he met in internet dating, really the lady in the photo, only to find she apparently didn't know about a lot of things they emailed and text chatted about. The Thailand Private Investigations group has experienced multiple guys come with the same photo of the same pretty lady but she's using different names with different guys. I also know the webmaster of an internet dating site, and he has shown me collections of photos of reported scammers and suspected scammers reported by users as well as his own observations. I was awed how rampant it is, a fulltime home based business in and of itself, almost akin to phishing.
There's no saving the world, and I wouldn't even try, at least not this way (see my alternaive website, permanent.com if you really want to save the world or donate). You can only save yourself and some friends and associates.
These scams hurt innocent Thai ladies "by association" (nationality). Most Thai ladies are sincere, but the image of Thai ladies is damaged by scammers like these.
However, internet dating / chat / email scams are on a rapid rise. How common are they? No reliable statistics are known. How do you collect statistics on that? From my observations, however, especially gathering statistics from internet dating sites which try to identify and filter scammers as best they can, I can say it's big business and a huge chunk of the foreigner-oriented assertive Thai lady meat market.
Some are outright scams where the person on the other end of the line is trying to get money from multiple guys without ever truly meeting them.
Others are grey area. They date many men, get multiple income streams from some subset of these men, but maybe they like the guys (or like the "work")... (Admittedly, about 15 years ago when I was young and handsome and popular with the Thai ladies, I also "loved" multiple ladies. There was no scam, and I was getting no money from them, but I could easily love the one I'm with, and she had no idea of the others. So I can understand Thai ladies loving more than one man. But ladies mix love and money more...)
If you want to know the truth, then contact Thailand Private Investigations at: www.ThailandPI.com
There are a lot of websites out there which talk about "Thai ladies", but it is clear to most guys like me who have lived in mainstream Thai culture (e.g., the suburbs and provinces) for many years that many of those websites are really talking about the Thai ladies in the tourist and expat areas, and some assertive internet dating ladies who go out with a lot of foreigners, not mainstream Thai ladies. I have spent nearly all of my 10+ years in Thailand living and working outside the expat and tourist centers, and when I read those websites and also visit the tourist and expat areas, I feel different than most of the other expats and Thais there.
Learning the Thai language is the key to opening the doors to a wide variety of Thai ladies as well as for developing deeper and more meaningful relationships, as well as allaying frustrations, and it's also important to understanding the Thai culture. A good place to learn the Thai language is the Thai Language Hut, run by a good British guy, Mark Shee, whom I know and recommend. It's located near the Phrom Pong skytrain station, about 100 meters down soi 43, colocated with Travel Today Asia.
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(However, do not marry my real estate agents and take them outside Thailand! Lost some already, all that training, experience, and knowledge gone. They are very mainstream and proper, and like family with me... Besides, why not have a home in Thailand?)
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