Mating 101 - Thai Sex Education

If you want to understand where sex fits into the big picture of life, how to best manage it in your life, and why you shouldn't do stupid things, then this article is for you.

The Thai newspapers and magazines complain that sex education is not taught to children by the schools and parents, and they learn from friends and x-rated videos. Well, this is true in some Western countries, too, as I routinely meet Western men who have lost their minds and orientation. So let me become a science teacher again. If you wish to copy this article and republish it, just let me know.

Humans, like all animals and life on Earth, are a result of evolutionary natural selection. Those who have a higher sexual drive tend to have more mates and leave a larger amount of their genetic DNA in "the pool" of the next generation, so the next generation has a higher sex drive. The trait of a strong sexual instinct is "well bred" in us. Sometimes we even "lose our mind" at the moment to deposit our genes, our #1 "mission".

It's similar to elsewhere in the animal kingdom. It could be in the TV series Animal Planet, Showcase: Bangkok.

As our bodies mature into sexually fertile animals, which starts to happen around age 11 to 14 and continues until age 18 to 20, we become increasingly interested in the opposite sex. This is mainly an unconscious instinct, not reason.

However, an intelligent species has other traits as well. What counts is the number of surviving offspring, which explains the instinctual difference in attitudes between women and men.

Men can deposit their genes multiple times in a year, month, week or even a day. The more times they deposit their genes, the greater the likelihood of more surviving offspring and a larger genetic representation in the next generation. Thus, men are more inclined to such things as go-go bars, mating with women much lower than their own status (intellectual, financial or social), promiscuity, and even rape & pillage. How many females do that?

Women can have only one child per year, and need support for their child and themself, so they tend to value the establishment of a secure relationship before having sex, so that the man will take care of the woman and child in case of pregnancy. Women are also more choosy about men, being turned on by things like wealth (so they can support the child and woman), smart men (for superior offspring), and healthy men. Women take longer to arouse sexually, and tend to bond more strongly. You don't find many go-go bars where women pick up a man for a one night stand and disposal.

However, men also have a bonding instinct, as there have surely been countless generations in ancient times where children of careless fathers simply died or were discarded, and thus the genes of careless fathers were less represented in the next generation. (Some anthropologists have argued that Cro Magnons diverged from Neanderthals significantly in this respect, based on some fossil digs which indicate that some groups of Neanderthal women & children may have stayed together separately from groups of Neanderthal men.)

Another angle on the differences between males and females is to observe that gay men are far more promiscuous on average than straight men, and lesbian women are typically more loyally bonded than male-female relationships.

In any case, there is no denying that sex and relationships occupy the minds of a large percentage of the human population for a significant part of their day. Indeed, the single most popular application of the Internet is sex -- witness Google search statistics, the number of websites on sex, the topics of most spam, and the popularity of internet dating and other cyber flirting and related activities.

This activity gains peoples focus and stimulates the release of hormones and pleasure chemicals, which is our animal bodies influencing us to go deposit our genes into a suitable mate, and these pleasure chemicals can be as addictive as drugs.

(People who are a little depressed or don't derive pleasure from other parts of their lives tend to be more susceptible to sexual stimulation on average, more dependant on a mate for happiness, and more susceptible to scams.)

When people "fall in love" in a mating and bonding relationship, they can feel like they found meaning and purpose in life.

Many people engage in these activities instinctually, without understanding or keeping it in mind intellectually. This can cause several problems:

  • Falling in love with poorly matched mates, leading to failure after a few months to a few years
  • Wastage of a lot of time on worthless pursuits with prostitutes
  • Wastage of a lot of money
  • Sexually transmitted diseases, including HIV which affects survival itself
  • Pregnancies out of wedlock, which can be life-changing events

On the other hand, we are all human with instinctual drives, and if they are not fulfilled then we can become neurotic. Thus, relationships and sex become a "recreational" (but usually not procreational) activity.

It's important to understand that "falling in love" is often a trick that our bodies play on our minds. Countless times, two people are physically attracted to each other for several months or even years, feeling with great emotion (heart) that it will last FOREVER, and convinced it will last forever, but later "fall out of love". This is normal. Falling in love is nature's way of having us bond long enough to have offspring and raise them. But after children are old enough for survival, there's an evolutionary adaptation advantage to "diversifying" your gene mix -- getting around.

Scientific evidence shows that divorces tend to occur in approximately 4 year cycles. That's about how long it takes for offspring to become viable and the mother fairly independent again from raising a vulnerable and dependent child.

In fact, the phrase "love is blind" attests to the times you can bond to someone very different from you -- without regard to similar values and interests, but based mainly on physical attraction, and often despite undesirable traits in the other person which you are "blind" about, you think they are great.

After "falling out" of love, many people ask themselves one day, "Why did I do something so stupid like that? What did I see in him/her?"

Different from "falling in love" is a long lasting love which is based on shared interests, similar values (what is important to you), personality compatibility, and where your mate is also your best friend. These can last forever.

You are happier and the world becomes a beautiful place when you are in love. However, new things you like while in love may not make you so happy after you fall out of love.

It is important that you understand what is happening, so that you can practice a more responsible social life with those of the opposite gender, and plan a better future for your life. There are many animal-instinct traps which ruin peoples' lives in civilized society.

(Photo: Pregnancy testing, and ... well, abortion is technically illegal in Thailand albeit widely practiced, though doctors rarely advertise and a lot goes by word of mouth.)

Don't neglect your human needs, but also don't spend too much time and money on chasing your instincts, don't get pregnant (or anyone else pregnant) in a casual encounter, and don't get sexually transmitted diseases, especially HIV which will shorten your life.

Notably, many men have said that they prefer to not use a condom because it takes away from their pleasure. It is my experience that a much more important factor in sexual enjoyment is the two-person dynamic. I have had much more sensitive sex with a condom and a wonderful mate than I've had with no condom and an ordinary mate. Further, the relief of concerns over pregnancy and/or STDs allows a more "care free" dynamic and thus more enjoyment. It is more mutually respectful and intimate, even though it does break "the flow" for a moment to put on the condom, albeit adds to anticipation.

A major issue in Thailand is prostitution, which is available all over the country. In fact, Asia and some parts of Europe are similar, quite unlike most of the U.S. (where I'm from) and many other parts of the world.

Prostitution is often judged as "bad", similar to indiscriminate promiscuity. I think this is an instinctual judgement. Quality and improvement of the gene pool is determined by selective mating. Females should choose quality males. Before modern times, when we didn't have Durex or birth control pills, so this would result in what was regarded as trash kids (maybe sent to the front lines of wars). Surely, it also created kids whereby it wasn't known who was the father, and perhaps became a burden on the community or neglected children turned criminals.

However, in modern times it is different. Nevertheless, our instincts are the same.

In the past few generations, a problem that has been created with the technology of airplanes is that husbands can travel from Western countries to Asia, where they find fresh new ladies willing to have sex with them. This threatens to break up some families, which can be damaging to their young children who may be neglected as their father's mind and behavior are like a male dog with bitches in heat far away, or that 4 year cycle of romances, broken away from his original community. (We do a lot of private investigations of husbands in Thailand, and raise these issues in the course or aftermath of the work. However, in some cases, the western marriage already had serious problems... and I know the appeal of sensitive, warm, and positive-minded Thai mainstream ladies.)

Prostitution is far more common in Asia than in my home country of the USA, and I think it's much more common than in most western countries.

My experience in talking with people here, as well as reading surveys (by Durex and others), is that the average Thai (and Asian) couple has sex less frequently, and the duration of the sexual process is shorter, on average (but of course you have the entire range). A second observation is that "fish tank" massage parlors are popular with Thai and Asian men, where they choose a woman from behind the glass to go have sex with. On the other hand, my American, Australian, British and most other friends don't like those massage places and instead prefer to meet and chat with women at bars, plus they form bonds with some of the women. Why?

I believe it has to do with a man's first sexual experiences and his "formative sexual personality". It is reported that most Thai man have their first sexual experience with a prostitute (which I'm not sure I believe, but it is very common here), whereas nearly all American and most European-descended men have their first experience after a long courtship, falling in love/friendship and mutual seduction with an ordinary girl. That affects formation of their sexual personality and their later preferences and behaviors, i.e., if their first encounter was with a prostitute, then they tend to prefer prostitutes, but if their first encounter was with a girlfriend, then they prefer to chat up ladies first.

Guys whose sexual personality form around shortterm encounters with prostitutes might tend to have a shorter duration of the sexual process, which may drive down the "average" measured for a region.

Also, in regard to formation of sexual personality, when adults sexually abuse children, the children usually grow up with psychological "scars" in their sexual personality, and sexual abusers tend to have been abused themselves as a child.

Many prostitutes are frigid -- unable to achieve sexual orgasm, and insensitive. They were often neglected and abused as children and/or by a former husband/boyfriend. Their sexual personality wasn't developed around natural arousal. Many neglected children grow up to seeking "negative attention".

It is strongly recommended that young people not engage in either providing or soliciting the services of prostitution, so that their sexual personality forms around a bonding family relationship.

In fact, many adults of all ages who had a "normal" sexual development in the West have commented to me that they start to become "hard core" and sexually much less sensitive after indulging in prostitutes in Asia.

Pornography also has a misleading influence, and often confuses young people. Pornography does not show ordinary sex between adults who are "in love" or good friends. Pornography is made using paid prostitutes and a low class of men who exploit them in extreme ways for sensational videos and profits. Note the difference in sexual styles between X rated movies and Hollywood R-rated romances.

(This is not to say that any particular style of sex is right or wrong, and ordinary couples typically experiment in different ways of having sex as their relationship progresses, but pornography available on the market rarely shows ordinary sex, especially early in a relationship, and usually shows its extreme variants.)

At the very least, my sexual experiences are generally not like x-rated videos!

Unfortunately, pornography has two negative effects on young people who are not experienced in normal mating behavior. First, it shows a bad role model to follow, and is often confusing, especially to females. Secondly, it elevates hormone levels and can arouse males to the point of distraction from other activities, and even lead to the rape of girls. Many rapists, in their confessions to police, say that they were aroused into their behavior by viewing pornography.

Finally, a lot of irresponsible sex occurs after consumption of alcohol and sometimes drugs.

As for taking drugs yourself, I don't know what kind of an education you may have gotten from your schools, the news, and your friends and associates, but if you think that any narcotic drugs are safe, that's wishful believing and wrong. They screw up your brain chemistry.

Many people who sell drugs (and profit from drugs) will of course say they're safe. As for your other friends, who are you going to believe -- a wishful-believing young friend, or established scientists? You can believe what you want, as hard as you like, but the laws of science are not up for democratic vote by you and your friends. If you think that psychoactive drugs are harmless, then you are fooling yourself, and are just another fool and a statistic.

The most popular pills in Thailand are ecstasy ("ya-E") and amphetamines ("ya-ba"). Not only are these drugs proven to be dangerous in their pure form, the versions here in Thailand are even more dangerous due to poor quality control in manufacturing. Analysis of pills siezed by police has revealed a broad range of chemicals and percentage of ingredients. Some have quite dangerous chemicals in them.

Both have been taken to allegedly enhance sexual pleasure.

If you don't believe that ecstasy causes brain damage, then read about the simple scientific studies on our page on illegal drugs.

Amphetamines use is rare among foreigners but common among stupid Thais. The effects on amphetamines have been made clear in the Thai media. They're addictive and cause brain damage. Unfortunately, a lot of "designer drugs" are actually amphetamines disguised by a different name, i.e., actually have a heavy dose of amphetamines in their mix.

Marijuana (aka "ganja") is well documented to cause memory loss in the brain, whereby the brain's ability to convert shortterm memory to longterm memory is reduced, and thus the ability to learn is impaired. You become forgetful. Chronic use causes substantial reductions. Occasional light use results in practically complete recovery after abstinence of around 6 months, but heavy use may result in permanent damage. Most users are oblivious to memory loss (how would you know you forgot something?), but these results show up clearly on memory and learning tests in controlled studies -- typically, 30% lower performance for fairly heavy users.

For more information on the use of illegal drugs, see the Health section's page on Illegal Drugs.

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