Thai Freelancer Prostitutes and Girlfriends
Profile of a Typical Prostitute
Approximately two-thirds of farang-oriented prostitutes probably have nearly all of the following in common:
More than half have these additional traits:
Typical day in the life of a Thai prostitute:
Day after day after day ... except the times they go on holidays with farangs, and usually the farang does all the work in making all transport, hotel and other arrangements, with them in tow as companion and entertainer. They have a good time, and the farang has sex but often send them back home prematurely and opts off for other samples of the local flesh.
Some guys try to make a bargirl into a girlfriend. The ones who are "successful" tended to get the lady within the first month or so of her entering the scene. After that, it's usually too late. The reasons for this are discussed later on this page. First, I'll simply list the most commonly heard complaints below.
Problems with ex-prostitute girlfriends
The problems usually reported with ex-prostitute or prostitute girlfriends are the following:
Successful relationships, especially in terms of faithfulness, often occur with Thai girls who are made girlfriends within the first month of entering the business. Often, the boyfriend is the first or one of the first customers, and they spend some time in the scene before they get up the nerve to go with a man. Their first man is usually carefully selected. There are instinctual reasons that ladies tend to bond with the first man they have sex with or one of the first decent men.
It is generally said that a girl is not girlfriend or marriage material after she's been in the business from one to three months, unless, of course, you don't expect a monogamous or longterm relationship.
While many people have concluded that prostitution changes a woman significantly, i.e., makes them a certain way, I don't think that's the entire picture. You have to also look at all the women who come into the business and leave it permanently within the first one to three months, leaving behind the ones who have psychologies which make them more inclined to take on prostitution as a way of life. Once given the opportunity, and surrounded by a peer group seasoned in the occupation (often friends from childhood who are influential, close and trusted), the way of life has been opened up to them, and they undergo "bargirl training". If they choose to stick with it...
Those who pass this decision point, and pass their first customer or few customers ready for more, will change from what they would be like otherwise, especially if they haven't had a prior quality relationship with a Thai boyfriend, in that it will result in the development of a kind of mindset towards relationships with men that will be quite different from non-prostitutes, and their sexual development (if it hasn't been formed already in a previous longterm relationship with a boyfriend) will also be corrupted (usually resulting in an inability to have true sexual gratification, i.e., orgasm with a man). Their experiences in prostitution, combined with training from their peers, will change them.
After a prostitute has been with a few men and decided to stick with the business, the frequency that they are willing to go out with additional men will skyrocket, usually. They get hardened and "addicted to the hunt", so that even after they have a boyfriend willing to support them financially, they will tend to go back to the scene when given a chance. Remarkably, they develop the traits of many of the sexually predatory men on the scene.
There is a high correlation between the tendency to gamble and the tendency for promiscuous prostitution. Ladies who gamble are usually the most promiscuous prostitutes. Gambling is a sensational addiction to thrills, and a costly one in many ways. It is also a desire to make money quickly without working for it.
Trying to Fix a Relationship With an Ex-Prostitute
For the forseeable future, the guru will continue to have friends and associates who are trying to reform a prostitute, as well as read messages on the Internet from men in similar situations. Rather than repeat the same advice over and over, I've just written it down here. If you find yourself in this situation, then you can come back here as often as necessary to ponder these suggestions.
First, "people don't change", i.e., peoples' personalities generally don't change. If a girl has been one way all her life and then another way for a short while, you may have a chance if it's in her best interests by her longstanding set of values and interests. But you can't make people into what you want them to be. You must find someone who already has the natural traits you want.
If a woman has never had the self-discipline to learn a new skill, or perseverance at anything, then it's unlikely she will ever do so. If a woman has done impulsive things all her life, she will almost certainly continue to do so. People can change dramatically for a short time, e.g., a few days, a few weeks or even a few months, when sufficiently motivated (e.g., on a new adventure with a sugar daddy). But stay together continuously a long time and it will eventually seem like you're right back where you started, as we say in the west.
If, however, you think that you have someone with solidly good traits but who just lacked opportunity, then I would suggest the following:
This may give the relationship its best chance to work, if it has any realistic chance at all. If it still doesn't work out, then don't waste too much of your money and life's time and energy on something that clearly isn't going to work.
A wise man once posted on Internet:
"I see and hear so many people talking about "saving" bargirls. Why dont you save yourself first? In my mind this stems from cultural arrogance. The rich foreigner comes in and sees these "poor" girls being "exploited". So he gets on his white horse and tries to change the world.
"Do you think these girls lead such miserable lives? Some of them do. Some of them lead great lives compared to what they would be doing otherwise.
"I dont see how someone can come to thailand for a visit and see fit to judge the whole situation based on a VERY partial view. (For those of you who haved lived, travelled in TL for years it obviously doesnt apply to you, so hold the flames.)
"I suggest that people spend some time travelling upcountry in Issan and get a feel for where these girls came from, and what their mental background is.
"I've read a few posts about people trying to setup bargirls in business. In my opinion this is foolishness. Of course there ARE a few success stories, but the exeptions make the rule. Why is it foolishness? Because these girls dont have it in them. They are THAI. Thai people are not the same as us. The are motivated by different things than we are. To be successfull in business you need to be highly motivated, relentless, meticulous and disciplined among other things. These are not qualities that typically abound among rural thais. (Once again there are always a FEW exceptions).
"Am I putting the Thais down here? Not at all. What they lack in terms of the relentlessness that we admire in the West they more than make up for in other qualities.
"So it all comes back to cultural arrogance. Maybe YOU think that a positive alternative to a girls current situation is going to school, starting a business, getting a degree, etc. Maybe that's not what she wants to do with her life? Maybe for a Thai the best things in the world are community and family, and friends all around you, and being able to eat good food all the time. Also other things like being able to wake up and not have to rush around all over. Just saying "sabai, sabai" and "Mai Pen Rai". A distinctly Thai trait in my observation is that they tend to live day to day. Ambitious they are not.
"I think oftentimes behind the desire to "help" bargirls really lies the desire to "change" them. Men come and meet these girls and fall in love with certain qualities. They dont want to reconcile what they like with the other bargirl qualities which they may not find so endearing. So they attempt to remold the girl into their image of a perfect girlfriend or wife. They think they can keep the sweet charming affectionate part of the bargirl and then scrape away the other parts they dont like.
"Guess what folks. You cant change people. Cant be done. Period. End of story. People can only change themselves. Doesnt matter how hard you try.
"So to wrap this all up, the only thing I can say is that if you meet a bargirl and you love her for exactly who she is when you meet her, then go for it.
"If you find yourself thinking she's attractive but could use a little work, better look elsewhere."
When it comes to "saving yourself", that means accepting the realities about bargirl girlfriends. You can do something about yourself, but it's awfully difficult to change other people significantly.
Another (by the handle of Stef) wrote:
"My wife's family own a rice farm, and after seeing how the cycle works in the village I think I'm starting to understand some more of the differences between their life and how we look at things in the west.
"In a normal year the rice is planted around the rainy season; on this particular farm this takes about 2 weeks. After this, when the rice is about a foot tall, the family goes and weeds all around the rice stalks, which takes about 4 weeks. Finally, after its ready for picking, they all go and harvest it, about 3 weeks work. Then there's nothing at all to do for about 4 months till its time to start again.
"Now in between the work there is absolutely nothing to do as far as the work goes,no point in rushing around or getting motivated to do absolutely anything. Walk around the village at about 3pm and everyones either just sitting quietly chatting or asleep or doing the odd chores on the house or whatever.
"This is the point where I'd be climbing the walls I always need to be doing something even if its just messing about with the TV or whatever. But thats the main difference between myself and the wife. I was brought up to be always moving forward, my missus is just basically chilled. Not that I'm moaning. I nearly ended up with the BMW driving highly motivated career woman and that just wasn't for me. But I could never see my wife making a success of a business. The motivation and drive just isnt there and I think the majority of girls with her background would probably be exactly the same. I dont think you could just throw money at someone and all of a sudden change generations of upbringing."
There is little work in the provinces, and the economy out there is pretty slim. Many people from the provinces head into Bangkok to make money during the offseason. Many of these don't return to the province, but let the family tend the farm while they make money in Bangkok, much of which is brought home.
Many of the prettier girls will have other doors opened for them, especially in the bargirl business. Whether beauty is a blessing or a curse depends upon where they wind up.
People who grew up in Bangkok or with higher class families in the provinces have another kind of background. You can find a better perspective on them in the guru's section on mainstream Thai ladies, though there are various blends and sorts.
The majority of ladies who take any interest in farangs are prostitutes from the poor Isaan region, however. They aren't shy to be seen with a farang. In terms of class, there's only one way: up. They have little to lose. They have financial motivation. They have few more interesting alternatives.
On your end, even if you assume that your ex-bargirl girlfriend will be faithful, a good mother to your children, a good homemaker, etc., you still need to think about a couple of things:
Pleasantness, femininity, sex and her other attributes may be enough for you. However, with many farangs, once the initial glow of the relationship starts to fade, it becomes a bad situation for both parties.
If you're thinking of making a bargirl into a girlfriend, then you should think it thru in advance and have realistic and reasonable expections.
Are you establishing a relationship on the strongest possible basis? Language barriers in communicating concepts is a challenge, and it is important to make sure you understand each other rather than be limited in what you can say and still be understood, so that you form the best bond. Thai ladies have many natural advantages over Western ladies, but language can be a serious limitation. A quality translation service can help you two establish the initial bond.
For private investigative services, e.g., discreetly checking out a girlfriend's behavior when you are not present (other boyfriend(s)?, background check, does she really work, is she really a student, did she tell you the truth about...), finding a disappeared girlfriend, etc., www.ThailandPI.com (Interesting experiences journaled there, too.) If you're investing considerable time, money, emotional capital and your reputation into your future with a Thai lady, or if you don't really have peace of mind about something, then "better sooner than later" to resolve the issues, and a discreet investigation is often well worth it.
Thailand Private Investigations, www.ThailandPI.com , uses Thai lady agents of many different backgrounds, and professional methods, in order to be most discreet and effective. A Thai lady matched to each task is usually better accepted than a man -- more discreet and effective. Of course, foreigners stand out in Thai society, and aren't as effective. However, some cases require a foreign man (such as entering a go-go bar and operations there), and Thailand P.I. uses the husband of an agent.
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